Many years ago, I decided I wanted to start a podcast. Year after year, time would pass and for any number of reasons…I never did. Call it imposter syndrome, call it laziness, call it a fear of failure, call it the avoidance of OPO (other people’s opinions) or any number of shadowy reasons, but I never made it happen.
Then last January I co-hosted a new year’s yoga and intentional living retreat with Catherine Andrews and during that, she led us through a terrific workshop to set goals for our year ahead.
I happily participated alongside our retreaters and found that what made it so great is how it encouraged us to step outside of the should’s and external influences that are so common around new year’s resolution-casting. It encouraged us to first genuinely explore the highs and lows of our 2022 to flex our intuitive muscle, and then help to paint a picture of where we had been, and where we might want to go.
Often when it comes to goal setting, we get trapped inside a dominant framing of categories that are inherently comparative and externally influenced, such as career, financial, fitness, family and social life. In this sort of paradigm, accomplishing a goal exists in a context that is outside of our lived experience. That is, we can only know how we are doing with our goal in relationship to how others or the world are doing/measure that goal. We might want a promotion, but that promotion hinges on a colleague retiring, we might want to save a down payment on a house but house prices can increase dramatically in a year, we might want to place in the top X in a road race without knowing the competition who will enter.
The other challenge within the traditional goal-setting paradigm is that we may intellectually connect to a goal (like, “Get the new job” or “Buy a car in cash.”) but then we don’t spend a lot of time internalizing WHY we desire to achieve that goal. The problem is: if we can’t imagine the embodied feeling behind achieving a goal, we can’t embody (and be) the person who will achieve that goal.
In one of the most popular books on disrupting goal-setting, Atomic Habits writer James Clear talks about how the most effective way to change your habits is to focus not on what you want to achieve, but on who you wish to become. He argues that achieving goals is really just a collection of repeated habits. Our exercise was similar. When we formed our goals, we tried to imagine the person we wished to become based on the feelings they would feel. I asked myself, how will she feel when she does this? And I wrote that down. The following goal categories were included to encourage us to internalize the feeling and essence behind our goals. Here is what I wrote for each:
Mind - Start a paid tier on Substack and start a podcast with meditations, stories and recorded essays.
Why? It will help me to feel connected and aligned with what I believe is my life’s purpose. It will help me to feel valuable and supported.
Body - Do a pull-up. Take weekly dance classes, including in new styles like pole dancing. Move to music at least 15 minutes/day at home.
Why? It will allow me to feel sexy and sensual, and connected to my body and enhance my senses.
Surroundings - Start a garden and grow something I can eat. Move into a space that feels like home.
Why? It will help me to feel connected to nature and the land, help me find a flow state and honor the state of being nourished.
Heart - Fall in love and take an international trip together.
Why? It will feel like commitment, a little scary with a heavy dose of responsibility in a good way; delightful and sometimes anxiety-provoking but also dynamic and exciting and foreign but also safe and secure.
Spirit - Commit to volunteering once/week.
Why? It will help me feel more connected to the Tucson community.
Joy - Take a one-month trip with Maddie, Ben, Lando (Ben’s dog) to the mountains for the summer (in June or July).
Why? It will help me feel adventurous and that I’m creating my chosen family. A feeling of partnership and companionship.
You can listen more to hear how it’s going.
The “mind” goal loomed over me for 6 months until one evening walk on the July 2023 new moon, I said to myself, “OK, self,” (lol), “You had a good run avoiding this, and I can see why you’re scared, but what if it also helps you feel supported and valuable? What if it’s also fun?” Then I sat in the woods and hit record. Mind goal: half-complete.
(And ya know what, it was pretty fun.)
Practice Not Perfect, Fall 2023 & Upcoming Retreat
I’m currently recruiting for the next cohort of my upcoming fall movement, meditation and journaling series, Practice Not Perfect. If you sign up on the wait list, there are two benefits: 1) You’ll receive a discount 2) You’ll get to weigh in on the timing of the live classes. We will meet 1-2x/week, which will encompass a musically-inspired movement class, along with recorded meditations to help further your intention for the series.
One point of pride I will share around my virtual movement/meditation/journaling offerings is that I have about a 70% retention rate. That means that most students who take a class with me have returned for another to continue practicing. You can also read more testimonials from past students.
Lastly, I will be sharing next week the details about the next retreat Catherine and I will be offering for New Year’s 2024. Stay tuned!
#1 | My 2023 Personal Mid-Year Review